It's no big secret that the world's elite run in packs and folks can get away with almost anything as long as they know the right people. I for one have no personal achievements and lean on associations for my every boast. For those without a snowballing brand to generate envy and mystery, there are many groups who used to have influence now fading into oblivion. You could be namedropping these in a probable future where no one else can.
6. E. Clampus Vitus
"I clamp believe it."
Absurdities and wild claims shroud many unimportant details of this group, such as a factual club history. Many events of "clamper" legend may never have happened, but modern pics and historical plaques prove that the group is still around today. Clampers appear to be bikers and high-functioning juggalos capable of the convincing family to wear red shirts, and they love prospecting, drinking, and the preservation of sillier history. Their current copyright, and a list of at least twelve living "Clampers of the Year" suggest it would still be possible to contact this group by stalking and emailing those individuals--although clampers are like gold and usually "just have to be discovered."
5. The North American Society for Laser-Induced Breakdown Spectroscopy
"Almost ready for the conference."
NASLIBS' dusty online presence is comparable to a wide swathe of little-known scientific societies. Unlike more pompous nerd clubs, this one is so inclusive (in theory of course) that no real scholarship is necessary to join. Funding is apparently so precious that one may save $10 on membership only by enrolling in a related degree program, but $20 will probably get you in, as long as someone is still checking society emails. Members joining at either rate can expect admission discounts to the 2015 conferenceprovided they can time travel to attend it. Plasma geeks and perverts interested in distributing "free nanograms" might find this interesting, but reciting the name is impressive enough for me.
4. The Official Loch Ness Monster Fan Club
"Eluding the paparazzi."
Nessie is the Scottish equivalent of SNL's Mango, who both denies suitors and yearns to be discovered, and observers become more obsessed after each encounter. A handful of international groups currently exist to troll this majestic creature and assume its gender, but only the official fan club promises an impressive gift basket complete with a certificate, badge, dubious newsletter, a handful of pre-Brexit post cards and "high quality" plush toy. Browsing their original homepage is downright depressing, but more recent activity can be found on their partner site. The one-time due of $35 U.S. seems prohibitive until you consider that this group actually handed out over $1,000 in prizes and might conceivably do so again if one or more spry youngsters join it. Who knows? You could be the one to draw Nessie out of its watery retirement home. Keep your eyes glued to the still-functional live webcams, but plesiosaur don't throw chickens in the water.
3. The American Society of Papyrologists
This small crew is really mixing it up! Not only do they know how to "stack that paper" by acquiring mad funding for a fading technology, but they have surprisingly attractive youthful faces and an active schedule. ASP sees the bible in the most literal possible way: as a handmade product. Despite dropping out of college long ago, nothing prevents a champion of the cause like myself or even some devious gone-paperless atheist from joining at the $16 student level. The high quality website and university endorsement implies that this society might actually be around for perpetuity, but such a small membership must worry about extinction by some form of natural (or divine) calamity.
2. The Oregon Caves Cavemen
This group ranks especially high on the endangered posse list. Presidential candidate Thomas Dewey's association with the Cavemen was used in Russian propaganda at one time. Unless you are an advanced internet stalker or live in the Grants Pass, OR vicinity, becoming a Caveman (or woman) is a difficult come-up to muster. In 2008 I was fortunate enough to be initiated at a singular ceremony held only for a few specific park rangers. Initiation demands that one "eat the meat of the dinosaur," which I was told is raw chicken, and "drink the blood of the sabertooth tiger," which includes Tobasco sauce and is dispensed from the rectum of a taxidermied skunk. The surviving members might be interested in organizing a costumed ceremony as long as a handful of youngsters could physically show up (bring a reporter) at the affordable Chinese restaurant where these geezers languish. Consider it! This slice of history from 1922 would function COMPLETELY AT YOUR DISCRETION.
1. The Interplanetary Networking Special Interest Group
"This person is presumably chatting online somehow."
There are places where the internet is still unavailable on our own planet, and this bunch aims to spread it across the galaxy. The group is currently free to join and if you did, you would enter into undeniably BADASS company. Membership ranges from industry-leading NASA jet propulsion engineers to people who actually worked on the internet as a thing. Heck, the group is led by a man who is publicly known to be the "father of THE internet" (the one you're using right now). Granted, there may not be much visible recent activity, but don't be fooled: this turnkey operation is merely awaiting a time when there are actually dweebs in space who need to get online. If you play it carefully within something like the next decade, and this A-list team still remembers that it ever banded together for this purpose, you might end up with something future-important named after you for your contribution. It is worth mentioning that if you one day need to be rescued from aliens, becoming crucial to these people would be your best bet provided that the Earth hasn't been destroyed by one of it's many imminent threats... ...or possibly even if it is?
6. E. Clampus Vitus
"I clamp believe it."
Absurdities and wild claims shroud many unimportant details of this group, such as a factual club history. Many events of "clamper" legend may never have happened, but modern pics and historical plaques prove that the group is still around today. Clampers appear to be bikers and high-functioning juggalos capable of the convincing family to wear red shirts, and they love prospecting, drinking, and the preservation of sillier history. Their current copyright, and a list of at least twelve living "Clampers of the Year" suggest it would still be possible to contact this group by stalking and emailing those individuals--although clampers are like gold and usually "just have to be discovered."
5. The North American Society for Laser-Induced Breakdown Spectroscopy
"Almost ready for the conference."
NASLIBS' dusty online presence is comparable to a wide swathe of little-known scientific societies. Unlike more pompous nerd clubs, this one is so inclusive (in theory of course) that no real scholarship is necessary to join. Funding is apparently so precious that one may save $10 on membership only by enrolling in a related degree program, but $20 will probably get you in, as long as someone is still checking society emails. Members joining at either rate can expect admission discounts to the 2015 conferenceprovided they can time travel to attend it. Plasma geeks and perverts interested in distributing "free nanograms" might find this interesting, but reciting the name is impressive enough for me.
4. The Official Loch Ness Monster Fan Club
"Eluding the paparazzi."
Nessie is the Scottish equivalent of SNL's Mango, who both denies suitors and yearns to be discovered, and observers become more obsessed after each encounter. A handful of international groups currently exist to troll this majestic creature and assume its gender, but only the official fan club promises an impressive gift basket complete with a certificate, badge, dubious newsletter, a handful of pre-Brexit post cards and "high quality" plush toy. Browsing their original homepage is downright depressing, but more recent activity can be found on their partner site. The one-time due of $35 U.S. seems prohibitive until you consider that this group actually handed out over $1,000 in prizes and might conceivably do so again if one or more spry youngsters join it. Who knows? You could be the one to draw Nessie out of its watery retirement home. Keep your eyes glued to the still-functional live webcams, but plesiosaur don't throw chickens in the water.
3. The American Society of Papyrologists
This small crew is really mixing it up! Not only do they know how to "stack that paper" by acquiring mad funding for a fading technology, but they have surprisingly attractive youthful faces and an active schedule. ASP sees the bible in the most literal possible way: as a handmade product. Despite dropping out of college long ago, nothing prevents a champion of the cause like myself or even some devious gone-paperless atheist from joining at the $16 student level. The high quality website and university endorsement implies that this society might actually be around for perpetuity, but such a small membership must worry about extinction by some form of natural (or divine) calamity.
2. The Oregon Caves Cavemen
This group ranks especially high on the endangered posse list. Presidential candidate Thomas Dewey's association with the Cavemen was used in Russian propaganda at one time. Unless you are an advanced internet stalker or live in the Grants Pass, OR vicinity, becoming a Caveman (or woman) is a difficult come-up to muster. In 2008 I was fortunate enough to be initiated at a singular ceremony held only for a few specific park rangers. Initiation demands that one "eat the meat of the dinosaur," which I was told is raw chicken, and "drink the blood of the sabertooth tiger," which includes Tobasco sauce and is dispensed from the rectum of a taxidermied skunk. The surviving members might be interested in organizing a costumed ceremony as long as a handful of youngsters could physically show up (bring a reporter) at the affordable Chinese restaurant where these geezers languish. Consider it! This slice of history from 1922 would function COMPLETELY AT YOUR DISCRETION.
1. The Interplanetary Networking Special Interest Group
"This person is presumably chatting online somehow."
There are places where the internet is still unavailable on our own planet, and this bunch aims to spread it across the galaxy. The group is currently free to join and if you did, you would enter into undeniably BADASS company. Membership ranges from industry-leading NASA jet propulsion engineers to people who actually worked on the internet as a thing. Heck, the group is led by a man who is publicly known to be the "father of THE internet" (the one you're using right now). Granted, there may not be much visible recent activity, but don't be fooled: this turnkey operation is merely awaiting a time when there are actually dweebs in space who need to get online. If you play it carefully within something like the next decade, and this A-list team still remembers that it ever banded together for this purpose, you might end up with something future-important named after you for your contribution. It is worth mentioning that if you one day need to be rescued from aliens, becoming crucial to these people would be your best bet provided that the Earth hasn't been destroyed by one of it's many imminent threats... ...or possibly even if it is?
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